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タイ在住11年目、妻はタイ人、娘が2人、養女が2人

April 3, 2016 (Mainichi Japan)
Kaleidoscope: Parents need a refuge, too
香山リカのココロの万華鏡 : 親の相談機関も足りない　／東京

According to the National Police Agency (NPA), police nationwide reported 37,020 children as suspected of being abused to child consultation centers last year. It was the worst figure on record.
　警察庁の発表によると、虐待の疑いで全国の警察が昨年１年間に児童相談所に通告した子どもは３万７０２０人。過去最悪の数字だ。

What's striking about the data is that the types of abuse on the rise are different from those that were common in the past. There was a 41 percent increase in verbal abuse and other forms of emotional abuse -- the most noteworthy of which were cases in which children witnessed parents and other family members being violent toward each other.
　注目すべき点のひとつは、これまでとは違う内容の虐待が増加していることだ。「暴言を浴びせる」などの心理的虐待が４１％増。さらにこのうち、子どもの目の前で両親間の暴力などを目撃する「面前ＤＶ（ドメスティックバイオレンス）」の増加が目立っている。

Some may argue that it's not such a big problem if children are just seeing the violence and are not being targeted by it, but that's hardly the case. Children suffer deep emotional wounds when they see their father hit their mother, or their parents hit a sibling. Not only do they wonder if they might be next, they blame themselves for not being able to help the ones who are being abused.
　「危害を加えられるのではなく、暴力を目撃するくらいならたいしたことはない」と思う人もいるかもしれないが、それは違う。父親が母親をなぐる、両親が自分のきょうだいに激しい暴力をふるう、といったシーンを間近で見ると、子どもの心は深く傷つく。「次は私かもしれない」と恐怖を感じるだけではなく、「助けたいけど助けられない」「自分がかわってあげたい」といった気持ちを抱き、苦しむことになる。

One person I know told me that as a child, they had watched their younger sister always being hit by their father. When I said, "You're lucky you were never hit," the person shook their head. "I should've been the one to be hit. My sister did nothing wrong. I'm a really cruel person for having pretended to see nothing."
　かつて私が会った人は、子どものときに妹が父親からいつもなぐられるのを間近で見てきたと話してくれた。「あなたに暴力が及ばなくてよかったですね」と言うと、その人は首を横に振って言った。「私がなぐられるべきだったのです。妹は何も悪いことをしていないから。見て見ぬふりをしていた私は、本当に卑怯（ひきょう）者なのです」

The person managed to graduate from school and find work, but even when they found someone they liked, they couldn't think about dating or marriage. The person was convinced that someone who could not save their sister did not deserve to be happy.
　なんとか学校を卒業して社会人になったその人は、交際したいという人が現れてもどうしても恋愛や結婚をする気になれない。「妹を助けることもできなかった人間には幸せになる資格はない」と思い込んでいるからだ。

"You did nothing wrong. You were still a young child, so it's no surprise that you weren't able to protect your sister from the violence," I said. It took a long time for that person's sense of guilt to subside.
「あなたは何も悪くないんです。まだ幼い子どもだったのだから、妹を暴力から助け出せなくても当然ですよ」とその罪悪感を消し去るためには、長い時間がかかった。

Getting food on the table and bringing up children is difficult nowadays, and no matter how much love you have for your children, it's not hard to suddenly get the urge to hit them or blurt out that you wish they'd never been born. What, then, can be done to prevent parents from having such emotional outbursts?
　いまの時代、子育ても生活もたいへんで、いくら子どもに愛情を持っていたとしても、イライラしてつい手を上げそうになったり、「生まれなければよかったのに」などという言葉が口をついて出てきたりすることもあるかもしれない。では、親が自分の感情の爆発を防ぐためにはどうすればいいのか。

Blaming them for their violence is actually counterproductive. First, we as a society must create refuges where parents can escape to for help. Sure, there is a huge lack of daycare centers. But we also lack places where parents who are barely keeping their head above the water making a living and raising children can seek help. It is important to get insurance to cover fertility treatments. But just as pressing is the creation of a societal framework in which both parents and their children can live happily.
「親が暴力を振るうなんてとんでもない」と責めるのは逆効果だ。まずは「私を助けて」と親自身がかけ込める緊急の避難先を作ること、それしかない。保育所も足りないが、育児や生活に行き詰まった親の相談機関も足りない。不妊治療の保険適用なども大切だが、生まれた子どもたち、産んだ親たちが幸せになれるような仕組み作りも急がれる。

(By Rika Kayama, psychiatrist)
（精神科医）